And there we have it…

My heart hurts. I knew this day would come, but as prepared as I thought I was for the end, I wasn’t. The sound of your words resonate within me, making me question everything I’ve done… Everything that has us here… And here was previously just a thought, now my reality… Something I tried so hard to run from to shield myself from the pain that I feel right now… Spent so many days playing this scenario out in my mind, and even told myself that loving you was foolish. Made myself believe that I didn’t want you… Knew I couldn’t have you! Countless hours were spent beating myself up for a situation that shouldn’t have been… Passed up on love for this so called thing we called “love”… And somehow the pain was greater than the happiness, but I kept you around with hopes of profound happiness, and love that I could never recreate with another being… I lost myself finding you… And today, the words you chose rang louder than the church bell at noon… Hit me harder than lightening hits the street… Somehow being grazed by a bullet seems less painful and right now I’d prefer it… I blamed myself for a lot. There are so many things I could change, and right now the only thing I’d love the change is ever telling you that I loved you… Ever allowing you to be that much more important to me than I was to you… I’d change blaming myself for all you do, when in actuality we’re here because of you. Sad it had to come this, but hell you should have been dismissed. Holding back the tears, telling myself not to regret the years, and somehow trying not to forget what this friendship once held, before ever trying this thing called love…

I don’t regret loving you. I can’t even bad talk you. I allowed this to be… This is the last goodbye, and with a single tear in my eye, I’ll still smile.

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